A Silver Lining Page 4
Oh, it was all so crazy! Viktor Linden wasn’t someone who was going to stay in her life, even if they did get to know each other. He came from another country and he’d be going back to it. There was no future to her feelings and the best thing she could do was to stamp them out – to let them die as a plant dies without light or water, not let them blossom.
Which meant that tomorrow, when she took the wages over to the bakery, she would just be very polite but cool if she saw Viktor, and let him see she wasn’t especially interested in him. And she wouldn’t be staying long at the bakery, in any case, as she had wages to take to the other shops. There, that was her little plan of campaign, and having worked it out Jinny felt better – so much so that she felt quite hungry and went back to the shop to buy a vanilla slice which she enjoyed with another cup of tea.
Wonder how May and Allan will get on this evening? she thought idly. And guessed very well, once they’d overcome their first feelings of strangeness at being together.
But first, of course, for May, there’d be the ordeal of tea with Dad to get through. Oh, heavens, and she, Jinny was cooking! Help! She’d better get home early and make sure everything was ready so that May could leave by half past six, hoping, of course, that Dad didn’t make difficulties. Oh, why did folk want to do that?
As she ran back to Accounts at exactly one o’clock – there was the gun sounding off again – her only consolation in worrying about her father making difficulties was that, for a little while, she’d stopped thinking about Viktor Linden.
Eight
Ordeal by Tea. Yes, you could call it that, with Josh sitting at the table with a face of stone, Vi sighing with exasperation, and even cool May seeming to be on edge, fiddling with her knife and fork and looking at the clock.
At least her cooking had been all right, thought Jinny, serving Josh and Vi second helpings of ham shank and split peas, but then May rose and said she must get ready and a dark red colour rushed to Josh’s brow.
‘Still going out, then?’ he asked shortly.
‘Yes, I am.’
‘Even though I’m not happy about you seeing Allan Forth?’
‘Dad, you know you’re never happy when we go out with anyone.’
Josh frowned. ‘When did I ever complain about you lassies going out?’
‘Oh, Dad, how can you say that?’ Jinny asked. ‘You know the awful fuss you made when I went out with Iain Baxter.’
‘That laddie you knew from school? He wasn’t right for you, Jinny. Just like the fellows May was seeing weren’t suitable for her. I wasn’t complaining, just pointing out what was true.’
‘And now you’re saying the same thing about Allan?’ May asked. ‘Well, that certainly isn’t true. There’s nothing at all wrong with Allan, as you know very well. You’ve always been very friendly with him up till now.’
‘Aye, well that was before I knew he was playing up to you behind my back.’
With a sigh of exasperation, May shook her head. ‘Dad, I don’t know what you expect! I’m a grown-up and can say what I want to do; there’s no need for Allan to ask your permission.’
‘Get going, May,’ advised Vi. ‘Don’t argue any more. Dad’s only holding you up.’
‘Vi, I’ll thank you to stay out of this!’ Josh jumped angrily to his feet. ‘It’s between May and me and no one else!’
‘Well, I’m going to get ready,’ May told him calmly. ‘So you should just sit down and finish your tea. Jinny’s taken a lot of trouble with it, remember.’
‘Och, I’m no’ hungry.’ Josh glanced at Jinny. ‘Sorry, pet. I think I’ll away back to work.’
But as he made no move, May caught at his hand and held it. ‘Oh, please, don’t be like this again,’ she said softly. ‘I’m only going to the pictures. I know you’re upset but you needn’t be. Even if we make other friends, we’re still your girls, isn’t that right – Vi? Jinny?’
‘Sure,’ said Vi.
‘Oh, yes,’ Jinny agreed. ‘You have to remember that, Dad.’
Slowly he let go of May’s hand and rested his sombre gaze on her face. ‘Still my girl, May? I don’t think so. These friends you talk about – you just mean Allan Forth. And who says he wants to be a friend?’
‘He’s a friend already!’ she answered swiftly. ‘A friend to this family. It’s unfair for you to be so much against him.’
For some moments Josh was silent. Finally, he said heavily, ‘Listen, May, since your ma died we’ve all made the best o’ things, eh? Maybe we haven’t been like we were before, but still as happy as we could manage. We never needed so-called friends wanting to come between us, spoiling what we had.’
‘Are you saying we shouldn’t have friends at all, then?’ asked Vi, her tone blunt, her eyes hostile.
‘Of course not! All I say is that you should have real friends, not fellows pretending to be what they’re not.’
‘You’re hinting Allan is like that?’ cried May. ‘Dad, you couldn’t be more wrong! He’s sincere and honest in every way!’
‘And causing trouble!’ Josh, breathing fast, strode across the room and snatched his coat from a peg on the door. ‘You go out with him if you want, May, but I’m telling you, he’ll never be welcomed here by me! Now, I’m away.’
After he’d slammed the door behind him, just as before, and they’d heard his feet thundering down the stairs, the sisters sat in silence for some moments.
Finally, Vi spoke. ‘He’s like a five-year-old, eh? Throwing a tantrum if folk won’t do what he wants. May, you’ll just have to ignore him.’
‘He’s really upset,’ she answered in a low voice. ‘I hate to see him like that. Shows how deep his feelings are.’
‘Never mind his feelings – he’s no right to ’em.’ Vi began to clear the table. ‘Off you go, get yourself ready and go down to meet Allan.’
‘Will you tell him – about Dad?’ Jinny asked.
‘Don’t know yet. Look, I’m sorry to leave the clearing up—’
‘Och, just go!’ cried Vi. And May finally went.
But how pretty she looked, her sisters thought, when she was finally ready. Worries about her father or not, in her blue coat with matching hat of her own making and a blue scarf that brought out the colour of her eyes, she appeared only to be looking forward to her night out – her first with Allan Forth. Once again, Vi and Jinny marvelled at how she could set aside her feelings and present such a serene face to the world, and wished they could have shared her gift. No point in that, they were different and must make the best of it, but all they wanted now was for May and Allan – two lovely people – to enjoy their evening together.
‘Thank the Lord she’s not going to let Dad spoil things,’ said Vi, crashing dishes into a bowl after May had run lightly down to meet Allan and walked away with him to the tram. ‘There’s a lot to be said for being calm as a cucumber, eh?’
‘Think something might come of this going out?’ asked Jinny, reaching for a towel.
‘Don’t ask me. You were the one who said Allan was sweet on May.’
‘Depends if she’s sweet on him, though.’
‘I think she might be. Look at the way she defended him to Dad. That’s what’s got him worried.’
‘Poor Dad. He makes himself so unhappy.’
‘I’ve no patience with him. Face facts is what he should do. You and May will be sure to get married one day and leave the nest, and I’ll depart to live my own life, eh? He’ll have to get used to it.’
Jinny laughed a little. ‘The way you talk, Vi! You’re not really as hard as you make out, you know. And why shouldn’t you get married one day anyway?’
‘Because I’ll have better things to do.’
‘Maybe I will too, then. I’m in no hurry to get married – I like my job.’
‘Especially when you can meet interesting guys from foreign parts, eh?’
Glancing away from Vi’s amused gaze, Jinny made no reply.
Nine
Meanwhile,
across the city, May and Allan, in the darkness of the cinema, their eyes on the screen, were conscious only of each other yet still not drawing close. Only as the film progressed did it seem natural that Allan should reach to take May’s hand, that her eyes should turn to meet his, and that both should smile.
‘That was a wonderful picture,’ Allan whispered as the credits rolled at the end and they were blinking at each other in the returned lights. ‘I suppose everyone would like to live in a place like Shangri-la where you’d never grow old and always be happy.’ He looked down at May’s hand in his. ‘You wish there was somewhere like that in real life, May?’
‘I don’t know. I think, maybe, I’d rather have life as it is. I mean, where you’d know what you had was true.’
‘Yes, I suppose I agree. And people can be happy in the real world, eh?’ His gaze on her was steady. ‘For instance, I’m happy now, just being with you.’
‘It’s the same for me, Allan.’ But May was quietly withdrawing her hand from his. ‘There’s something I should tell you, though.’
‘Oh?’ He was trying to smile. ‘Nothing bad, is it?’
‘Well, it’s just that – look, I don’t want to make too much of it but my dad isn’t keen for me to go out with you.’
Allan’s effort at a smile disappeared. His eyes on May were wide, their look bewildered.
‘What are you saying? I don’t understand – your dad doesn’t like me? But he does! We get on well. How can it be true that he’s not keen for you to go out with me?’
‘He does like you, really,’ she said earnestly. ‘It’s hard to explain, but since Ma died, he’s, well, he likes to think that we only need him.’
‘You and your sisters? All three of you?’
‘Yes. Well, Vi isn’t interested in going out with anyone – it’s Jinny and me that Dad gets worried about – I mean, if we … see people.’
‘See young men, you mean,’ Allan said quietly. He put his hand to his brow and shook his head. ‘But this is just crazy, May. He can’t keep you as little girls for ever, you have to grow up, have lives of your own—’
‘I know, and I think he knows that too, deep down, but he can’t accept it, that’s all, so we have these … arguments.’ May sighed heavily, then suddenly reached forward and took Allan’s hand. ‘The thing is I’m not going to take any notice of him. If I want to go out with someone I will, and as he says himself, there’s nothing he can do about it.’
‘Go out with someone,’ Allan repeated, his eyes intent on hers. ‘Would that be me? Do you mean you’d like to go out with me again?’
‘Yes, I would,’ she said softly.
‘Even if it means upsetting your father? I don’t like that, May. I don’t want to cause trouble between you and your dad.’
‘You’d rather we didn’t see each other?’
‘Oh, God, no!’
As the lights began to dim for the second feature, Allan pulled May to her feet.
‘Come on, let’s go,’ he said urgently. ‘We don’t need to see the B-picture, do we? Let’s just get out of here.’
They’d meant to walk home but the night air was so cold and the pavements so slippery with frost that they took the tram and sat together on the jolting bench seat, holding hands and closely studying each other’s faces.
‘This has been a blow,’ Allan said quietly. ‘And so unexpected.’
‘I know,’ May replied. ‘It was for me, too, because you’re different from other fellows. I mean, I knew Dad liked you, so I thought he might not mind so much if I went out with you.’
‘If he sees all men as a threat there wasn’t much hope of that.’
‘No, but he’s so obstinate – he won’t listen to anything anybody says.’
Allan, his eyes brightening, squeezed May’s hand in his. ‘Did you defend me?’ he asked softly. ‘Against what, I don’t know, but I suppose there must be something.’
‘Only that you’re older, which is a piece of nonsense as you’re not that much older than me, and Dad was older than Ma, anyway. Don’t worry about what he says, Allan. We’ve agreed, haven’t we, to see each other?’
‘Nothing will stop me from being with you, if it’s what you want, May.’
‘I’ve told you it is.’
‘Just makes things a bit awkward, that’s all. I mean, what do I say when I see your dad?’
‘Be as you always are. If he wants to quarrel with you, say there’s no point.’
‘You make it sound so easy,’ he was beginning, when she knocked his arm and began to rise from her seat.
‘Our stop, Allan.’
‘I wouldn’t have minded travelling on,’ he said with a laugh.
They made the walk up Fingal Street last as long as possible, keeping close together, their arms entwined, enduring the cold until they reached the Hendries’ door, where they stopped and gazed at each other in the lamplight.
‘I wish I didn’t feel your dad was looking out,’ Allan whispered. ‘Think he might come down if he sees us?’
‘No, he’ll probably not be back from the theatre yet. He’s one of the last to leave.’
‘In that case …’ Allan was drawing her into his arms when she stiffened and took a step back.
‘He’s here?’ he asked, turning quickly to look down the street, but May shook her head.
‘It’s Vi. She must have been to one of her meetings – oh, Lord, why does she have to come back now?’
‘Why indeed?’ groaned Allan.
They stood still, facing Vi, who was jauntily approaching.
‘Had a good time?’ she cried brightly. ‘Enjoy the picture?’
‘Very much,’ Allan answered politely. ‘Certainly takes you into another world, eh?’
‘Shangri-la? Yes, it’s grand – as long as you remember it’s not real.’
‘Only have to come out into the cold here to know that,’ May said, rubbing her arms. ‘Suppose we’d better go in.’
‘Och, don’t let me interrupt things.’ Vi hurried past them to the door of the flat. ‘I’ll go in and you two can say goodnight.’
‘Goodnight to you, then,’ called Allan, and when she’d gone and closed the door he turned eagerly again to May.
‘Sorry about that,’ she said, looking embarrassed. ‘Vi came just at the wrong time.’
‘She seemed pretty understanding, though.’ Allan was slowly drawing May into his arms and bending his face to hers. ‘Didn’t linger.’
No further words were spoken as they stood very still, their eyes searching each other’s faces, then let their mouths meet in their first kiss, a kiss that promised so much more, and finally drew apart, breathing hard.
‘When can I see you again?’ Allan asked urgently. ‘I must see you, May. Will you come into my shop one evening?’
‘Yes, I will, I promise. It’s for the best, to meet like that.’
‘You mean to keep out of your father’s way?’
‘He’ll settle down, he’ll be all right – don’t worry.’
‘I can’t believe he doesn’t like me, May. I mean, there’s never been any hint—’
She put her finger to his lips. ‘I told you, he’ll be all right. We’ll just have to give him time to get used to things. Now, I’d better go.’
‘You won’t forget? To come into my shop?’
‘As though I would!’
He made to take a step towards her but she blew him a kiss and opened her door.
‘Goodnight, Allan!’
‘Goodnight, dear May.’
He watched as the door closed behind her, standing there for several minutes before walking away.
Ten
‘Dad not back yet?’ asked May, taking off her coat in the living room of the flat.
‘Too early,’ Jinny answered, studying her sister with interest. ‘But have you had a good time?’
‘Yes, did you enjoy seeing the picture all over again?’ Vi put in with a laugh. ‘Did you let on you’d seen it already?
‘You certainly look happy,” Jinny observed. ‘You’ll be seeing Allan again, eh?’
‘Ssh!’ cried Vi. ‘There’s the door! Dad’s back!’
The sisters looked at one another, Jinny with apprehension, Vi with a frown and May with her usual calmness. When their father came in, his face cold and set, it was she who stepped forward to greet him.
‘Hello, Dad, want some tea?’
He stared. ‘You’re back then?’
‘Of course I’m back!’ She smiled. ‘It wasn’t such a long picture.’
Josh took off his coat and hung it on its peg. He moved towards the fire and held out his hands to the blaze.
‘I don’t want to hear about it,’ he said over his shoulder. ‘You know my views, May. If you don’t tell me what you’re doing, the better we’ll get on.’
‘Oh, Dad, don’t be so ridiculous!’ cried Vi as Jinny hurriedly set about making tea. ‘You can’t ask May not to talk about Allan! She’s every right!’
‘Do you mind not speaking to me like that?’ Josh’s face was mottled red. ‘If May does as I say we can all get on as we were. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable to want that.’
‘Not unreasonable!’ Vi gave a short laugh but May shook her head at her, and as Jinny poured the tea and handed round the cups an uneasy peace descended. Finally Josh stood up and said he was weary, he’d be away to his bed. Goodnights were said, with Josh looking at no one, and then he was gone and the girls sighed and relaxed.
‘Oh, it’s a shame Dad’s being so difficult,’ said Jinny. ‘I mean, we usually get on so well.’
‘Aye, it’s especially hard for you, May,’ Vi commented. ‘Your first time out with Allan and he goes and spoils it all, eh?’
As her sisters’ eyes rested on her, May’s own gaze seemed far away and her mouth curved slowly into a small, secret smile.
‘Not all,’ she replied softly. ‘I wouldn’t say “all”, Vi.’ With that she rose and put the guard over the fire. ‘Shall we call it a day?’ she asked. ‘Things will look better in the morning.’